I have no excuses for not keeping my own website updated. I’ve
treated my baby like an unwanted stepchild, or more accurately like a forgotten
Myspace page. Let me jump right into it and tell you the happenings. Last year,
I took a 3 month leave of absence from my job in Syracuse and traveled around
the country to perform and just live, except for the Confederate states (too
scary) and the West coast (too far and I think there’s a weight limit). I did
it with very little money and I survived off the kindness of friends and strangers.
Then I foolishly thought I could just go back to work and my regular life, but
something in me had changed forever. There was no going back to the old me,
even if I wanted to.
I don’t want to put all the blame on comedy. I had been
working overnights almost my entire adult life and I literally saw the light at
the end of the graveyard shift. I was finally amongst the day walkers and it
wasn’t half as bad as I thought it’d be. Living like an out-of-shape vampire
for more than a decade made me look and feel like an extra on The Walking Dead
(not a main character, or special guest, or even a speaking role). So, after my
leave of absence I decided I was going to leave my job permanently within the
next year. I was leaning towards the Midwest because LA is too pretty and NYC
is too dirty. You can take that to mean whatever you want it to mean; it’s not fact-based
at all. Really, Chicago seemed like an affordable and reasonable compromise.
All I knew was that Syracuse was beginning to feel like a small pond. So, this
past summer, I worked my last day at a job in Syracuse with a decent income,
consistent booked comedy gigs, and low cost of living (a 3 bedroom for
$700/month. Say What!?), and took the leap. No more small pond for me. Now I’m
a guppy in a contaminated sea.
Maybe I should have waited, did more research, saved more
money, etc. but it’s too late now to go back. I traveled again this summer and
fall and spent some time in the Midwest and East coast. My favorite time was
spent in Chicago for a month. The people were nicer than I imagined they would
be. Granted, half the comedians I knew had moved to the East or West coasts.
One of my best friends lives in a fancy condo in downtown Chicago but she was
in Europe the whole time while I “Talented Mr. Ripley’d” her life. (“I always
thought it'd be better to be a fake somebody, than a real nobody.”)
Then I came back to Baltimore. I’m not exactly sure why. I
know the reason I told people. Personal and family stuff. But those issues
could have resolved themselves without me moving back. No one begged me to save them. I think,
especially before I visited Chicago-my intended destination, I wanted someone
to need me. I had given up so much in Syracuse and I was afraid of failing in a
city I barely knew anyone. In all honesty, Baltimore is my ground zero. The reason I left Baltimore and didn’t return to live here
for several years is the same reason I don’t date light-skinned dudes; it
reminds me of oppression. Not you, Jesse Williams. You. Can. Get. It.
A lot of traumatic events happened to me here and I’m supposed to focus on writing jokes? The cherry on top is although I may be slowly disintegrating into a pile of insanity, the rest of the country seems to be losing its mind too. And you know, misery LOVES company. So, I guess, we’re in this… together? My favorite quote of all time, which I use far too often, is from Assata Shakur’s autobiography: “The strong go crazy. The weak just go along.”
That means I am
Hercules. Hercules! Hercules! HERCULES!
Fabulous.
