"I've been workin' this grave shift and I ain't made shit. I wish I could buy me a spaceship and fly past the sky..." (Spaceship, from the College Dropout Album)
I am finally leaving the graveyard shift. Starting Monday I will be working during the day when normal people are awake. So it will only last for a month, but I'll take what I can get. Nights and weekends off, it's like I'm going to be a cellphone! I hope I can manage to stay out of trouble. Who am I kidding? This is the Cuse. Staying out of trouble should be no problem. There's nothing to do and practically no one (on my level) to do it with. I am going to be working out and eating healthier and saving money. I might even take a class and get a part-time job. I have already started to look for places to move to in the fall. Time to downgrade and cut my expenses. Oh yeah and I am a horrendous pool player so I plan to work on that a bit as well. So much to do, so little time. This will be a productive summer, I promise myself that.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
Making a List, Checking it Twice...
I have a bit of OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Self-diagnosed, but undeniably present. It's not as bad as As Good As It Gets, so no worries. I don't forsee any major avoidance of sidewalk cracks in my future.
My number one indicator is the list-making. I make lists everyday about what I'm going to do that day, that week, month, year, about what to eat, when to exercise (or when to start exercising), what to buy, what order to clean the house, what items to take to work, who to call, who to write a letter or email to, and even as specific as when to take a shower and brush my teeth. If that's not obsessive I don't know what is. The compulsive part comes from how many lists I end up making in a day because of the fact that I do things out of the intended order or simply don't do them at all. It can get pretty stressful, let me tell ya.
Much of the stress comes from never fully completing tasks I set out to do on these lists. Perhaps they (the lists) are too ambitious. Yeah, I'd like to think that but when most of my lists include things like brushing my teeth, taking a shower and buying more toilet paper, there's really no good excuse. Still, I feel like these lists are all I have now. Them and the coffee and the ciggarettes. Part of my daily routine. Sadly the bulk of my current existence consists of trivial rituals. Wait, "ritual" sounds too meaningful. Addiction is probably more accurate.
I can't give up the lists; they give my life some semblance of productivity. Like this new blog of mine. Never mind the countless other blogs that have come and gone. I can pretend to not have writer's block and then maybe one day I'll wake up and I won't have to pretend anymore. That is the plan for now anyway. That reminds me of this low-rate prison movie I saw once where the dude says "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
Anyway I gotta go cross off "write blog post"from today's list.
Deuces!
My number one indicator is the list-making. I make lists everyday about what I'm going to do that day, that week, month, year, about what to eat, when to exercise (or when to start exercising), what to buy, what order to clean the house, what items to take to work, who to call, who to write a letter or email to, and even as specific as when to take a shower and brush my teeth. If that's not obsessive I don't know what is. The compulsive part comes from how many lists I end up making in a day because of the fact that I do things out of the intended order or simply don't do them at all. It can get pretty stressful, let me tell ya.
Much of the stress comes from never fully completing tasks I set out to do on these lists. Perhaps they (the lists) are too ambitious. Yeah, I'd like to think that but when most of my lists include things like brushing my teeth, taking a shower and buying more toilet paper, there's really no good excuse. Still, I feel like these lists are all I have now. Them and the coffee and the ciggarettes. Part of my daily routine. Sadly the bulk of my current existence consists of trivial rituals. Wait, "ritual" sounds too meaningful. Addiction is probably more accurate.
I can't give up the lists; they give my life some semblance of productivity. Like this new blog of mine. Never mind the countless other blogs that have come and gone. I can pretend to not have writer's block and then maybe one day I'll wake up and I won't have to pretend anymore. That is the plan for now anyway. That reminds me of this low-rate prison movie I saw once where the dude says "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
Anyway I gotta go cross off "write blog post"from today's list.
Deuces!
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